


Come you back to Mandalay

by Banbury



Category: NCIS
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crossover, Gen, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-29
Updated: 2015-08-29
Packaged: 2018-04-17 21:30:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4682150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Banbury/pseuds/Banbury
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Do you know Tony DiNozzo? Or let's put it that way - do you <i>really</i> know Tony DiNozzo? - <i>They</i> thought so. It seemed that he's as permanent here as Gibbs, but one day Tony'd gone... Gibbs leant over backwards to find him but nothing helped. Until one day...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Come you back to Mandalay

**Author's Note:**

> Finally got around to post my first NCIS story.  
> Many grateful thanks to my wonderful beta nightshadow_t2, for her help with the text and also for her very kind words about the story. If you find here any mistakes - it's mine alone :-)  
> The wonderful art for this story by Mella68 is here: http://i133.photobucket.com/albums/q71/Mella68/th_mandalay.jpg

**_By the old Moulmein Pagoda, lookin' lazy at the sea,  
There's a Burma girl a-settin', and I know she thinks o' me;  
For the wind is in the palm-trees, and the temple-bells they say:  
"Come you back, you British soldier; come you back to Mandalay!"  
Kipling_ **

**_“Our bonds are all that hold us in this world” Duncan “Highlander” MacLeod_ **

**I GIBBS**

**now**

“Go, go, go” The man in full body armor waved emphatically, directing them into the depths of a helicopter. “Faster, faster. We have five minutes, top.” Gibbs watched as McGee shoved the bags inside and took his gear to bring with him. All members of the team hopped in more or less gracefully. He was the last one to get inside.  
Gibbs was exhausted. Not the kind that came from working day and night to bring justice to those who needed it; a task he found satisfaction in despite the hard work. No, this was more like he had the entire world on his shoulders and nobody beside him to help. He had his team right there and his friends back at home, and still this weariness plagued him despite their presence. He considered it strange or not so strange if you take into account how difficult it was for him to let others help, to open up to somebody. And there hadn't been said somebody for a while. A long while.  
Gibbs looked around. All that activity – the helicopter, the people in camouflage, communication with the gestures, the quiet danger – was achingly familiar, though he wasn’t as thrilled with it now as he might’ve been once, before Kelly and Shannon. He was surprised by himself for admitting it, but he’d rather be at home with his boat and coffee with brandy (he hadn't drink pure brandy for some time now. Two years next month, to be exact) than chasing suspects in the jungle.  
Maybe this meant that he was ready to quit it all - for good this time. To be just Gibbs, not The Gibbs everybody relied on, respected, and feared. With the second B for you know what for. At last, there was nobody he wanted to play “the second B” for.  
Gibbs frowned at this unwanted train of thoughts and busied himself by checking out his agents, in particular McGee. . He had limited field experience. Kate had the necessary training as an agent, and he knew Ziva had the capabilities to deal with the whole situation.  
The case that brought them to the jungles on the Pacific Ocean’s coast in a small Central American country turned out to be a complicated way to get rid of an officer who knew too much. Nobody would’ve guessed it if the guy himself hadn't suspected something and left a note with his wife. In fact, they hadn't even needed to come over here to solve the puzzle, but the problem was that they had realized it only after the team reached the crime scene. Now it was getting to be more difficult to get out of the country than to solve the case itself – some drug lord had picked a quarrel with his neighbor.  
They couldn’t get out by themselves – flights to the US capital, never mind abroad in general, were cancelled. Roads were blocked and trains weren't even in the design stage. Finally, after spending two days hiding in the hotel basement among the broken furniture, they were told they’d be picked up by a SEAL group on their way from an operation – their only hope to get out. The team had, had to march through the jungles, spend several nights under the unfamiliar stars, and desperately wanted to be somewhere else, namely Washington D.C.  
One of the men from the rescue team crouched down beside Gibbs and thrust a helmet into his hands. He waited for him to put it on, all the while smiling to himself. Even with the headphones on Gibbs had to make an effort to understand what he’d been told. “We might have to jump. If you have any things in your bags you don’t want damaged, it’s better to take care of it now.” He flashed an easy grin and turned back to his people.  
Gibbs couldn’t see the SEAL clearly enough – a thick layer of grime and camouflage painting covered the man’s face and the helmet covered his hair, but there was something in his dark eyes that got Gibbs’ attention. He couldn’t pinpoint it right away, but sand and heat flashed in his mind the moment he saw them,  
_sand and heat, gunfire and shouting, people falling around, someone calling to him, “Go, Marine, go, go, we don’t have much time.”  
That guy fired at someone behind Gibbs’ back and urged the Marine forward again. Gibbs looked around – they’d been holding this position for three days without help and lost some people. The rescue team came at just the right moment –he and his team were too stubborn to leave a position that was still worth fighting and too exhausted to get out on their own.  
They darted to the helicopters; Gibbs was trying to count the living on the run. The guy shouted again, “Go, go,” and flashed him an easy grin while pushing to get Gibbs inside.  
They sat in the copter facing each other. Gibbs was taken aback at seeing how young his rescuer was as he took off his helmet to wipe his face. The guy’s dark eyes looked tired but he grinned at Gibbs again before he dropped off to sleep, using his fellows’ shoulder as a pillow. Gibbs shook his head in amusement – this was still a game for the younger man, most likely one of his first ops, maybe even the first one. Gibbs thought about it till he dropped off to sleep himself.  
Only after the debriefing and some sleep had Gibbs realized he never said ‘thank-you’ to him. Not that the guy really saved his life, but then again, maybe he did save him. He was shipped out from the Gulf shortly after that.  
He’d never really thought about it_ afterwards. He couldn’t understand why he did so now, till he saw the SEAL had dropped off to sleep, resting his head on his fellow teammate’s shoulder. It was a strangely familiar gesture and for a second he wanted to ask him if he was in the Gulf in 1991, but then decided against it. He was far too young to have been out there at that time.  
Gibbs fell asleep himself.  
Finally they landed somewhere new in preparation for being picked up by another copter and shipped to an aircraft carrier and then to Norfolk base by plane. The last thing he heard from their rescuers was somebody shouting for ‘Lieutenant O’Neil’. It sounded familiar and not. Gibbs huffed in frustration – everything in this case just rubbed him the wrong way.  
The team went to NCIS headquarters first – to drop off the evidence and type out their reports. He looked at Tony’s desk out of habit as he sat at his workspace and it hit Gibbs all over again. Even now, almost two years since Tony disappeared without a trace; he couldn’t look at his desk and see Kate there instead of him without a shudder.  
Today, though, it was another thing that left him breathless. He remembered the dark eyes watching him intently in the copter before shutting tiredly in sleep. He realized just now why they looked familiar to him – they were like Tony’s eyes, searching and never finding whatever it was he looked for in Gibbs’ face. And his easy grin.  
For a moment, Gibbs couldn’t see anything other than that grin, which conveyed such sadness. Then he shook his head. No. He could not continue with this obsession. Tony could never be in the army; he just wasn't that kind of guy.  
And then it hit him – where he had hear the name O’Neil. In the Gulf. That guy who saved him answered to the name O’Neil. This was too much to take in at this time – Tony and that O’Neil guy and…  
He turned to his computer and ran a video file he had watched a thousand times for the past two months.

 

**two months earlier**

“Boss!” McGee’s voice sounded a bit breathless, like he was running and talking simultaneously, which he does rather frequently. “Boss, Gibbs, I watched the news just now a-and there was… was a hostage situation in… in Central America and…”  
“Get to the point, McGee. You're late.” It was quarter to eight, but Gibbs was already in the squad room and on his second cup of coffee. He was gruff as always or maybe a bit more as he had tended to be for the last year and a half since that strange moment when Tony answered, “No. I’m gone” to the simple phrase, “Yes, he’s here”.  
Just like that:  
“Yes, he’s here.”  
“No. I’m gone.”  
And he’d gone.  
Since then he always jerked his head up when somebody said, “Yes, he’s here.” Even if it was just about him.  
“Tony was there, Boss.”  
“What?!” Gibbs jerked his head up towards the big flat screen where the news played. Someone was discussing current financial situation in light of the latest political issues, but it looked nothing like Central America.  
“Boss! Boss! I told Abby where to look at… I’ll be there in a mi…”  
Gibbs hung up on McGee and strode to the elevator. He rarely went down to Abby’s lab lately – there were too many reproachful looking Tony’s on the walls to his liking. He knew Abby blamed him for the agent’s disappearance and their inability to find him.  
Really, were they that bad of investigators they couldn't find one of their own? Kate was sure it was her fault – one too many passing remarks, not enough “thank yous” or acknowledgment of his value… McGee mostly kept to himself, though he denied anybody the right to call him “Probie”. Ziva… well, Ziva tried very hard to put up with them, but she didn’t have any real motivation to pursue their search. She hadn't known him.  
Gibbs found it amusing that he'd ended up with the two female agents, but to be truthful he’d not wanted to deal with a male replacement for Tony. Therefore, it was all for the best, when one fine morning a couple months after Tony had gone their new director strode down the stairs with a young woman in tow.  
“Gibbs. This is your new agent – our liaison officer from Mossad, Ziva David.” She had looked at him sternly, warning against any objections.  
Gibbs had thought it over for a second and then shrugged. He hadn't wanted to look for a new agent – it felt too much like giving up on Tony. This he could handle if not quite accept.  
“She’ll do”.  
Sometimes it was too much – to have so many women around, but he clenched his teeth and kept moving forward. He had to do that now, after he threw away the best… He cut off that train of thought, still not willing to actually admit it – even to himself and just in his head. He usually scowled at them all at that point and went to get coffee to give himself a moment to regroup.  
It never worked.  
Just like now.  
He scowled at Kate and Ziva before leaving to get his coffee and Abby’s Caff-Pow.

Gibbs peered cautiously inside her lab. He watched Abby stare at something on her computer screen. Gibbs noticed her shoulders shake a little and he made a tentative step inside.  
“Look, Gibbs,” she turned to him smiling. Really smiling for the first time in God knows how many months. Tears running down her cheeks, but she was smiling and looked at him with her eyes open in wonder, not in anger. He didn’t even realize that she knew he was there before he let her know.  
He went to stand behind her back.  
“Look! He’s alive. You see? He’s alive and he’s good. A bit thin, but look at him! We’ll find him now! Right, Gibbs? We’ll find him?”  
He couldn’t say a word. There. There was Tony – a bit thin, that’s for sure, but looking better then all those long frustrating months before his disappearance. He was wearing jeans and a nondescript t-shirt, his hair shorter they were used seeing, though it wasn’t strange for that hot climate. DiNozzo stood among the group of people, talking in Spanish, seemingly arguing over something.  
He was filmed by accident. They realized it when he looked them right in the eyes and swiftly moved, disappearing from the screen.  
Without asking Abby gave him the piece of paper with the name of the place where it was shot, list of Americans who were there – all she was able to obtain for that short time. Tony’s name wasn’t on that list.  
Gibbs glanced around. Seeing Kate and McGee standing behind his back surprised him – he had been so engrossed in watching, he'd never heard them.  
He had watched those two minutes of Tony more than a thousand times since.  
He pulled out all the stops, using his connections in the military and the Feds’. In his desperation, he'd even gotten someone to look up Tony’s name on the list of all the military who were over there.  
Nothing.  
He hadn't gone down to Abby’s lab since.  
He couldn’t bear to see disappointment in her eyes. He still felt her accusing stare from the day they had told her Tony’d disappeared.

**about twenty months earlier**

“He did what?” Abby said it so quietly that they'd all had to strain to hear her voice.  
“He took off, Abs.” Gibbs stood with his back to everybody. They could see the tension in his shoulders and the tendons on the back of his neck were visible enough they looked quite terrifying.  
“And you didn’t stop him, didn’t ask?” She spoke with the same quiet and flat voice and Gibbs shivered in the face of her disappointment.  
“We were all pretty shocked, dear. I’m afraid I can’t call the way we handled this situation very efficient. Is that what you wanted to hear from Jethro, Abigail?” Ducky sat on her chair and everybody could see his hands trembling a little, betraying his age or maybe the impact of the morning events.  
“What do we do now?” Abby hadn't asked Gibbs specifically, but everybody had silently directed the same question his way.  
“I don’t know.”  
Well, that was a first. Nobody had heard that tone in his voice before. Or the same words.

_Tony looked at a second victim crouched beside the body. He inspected his palms, nodded thoughtfully to himself then, stood up, took off his gloves and dropped them near the body.  
“You know, boss, this is your killer.”  
Gibbs shrugged it off. “Give me the evidence, not just your opinion.”  
Tony opened his mouth to say something, but Gibbs had already turned to Kate. He didn’t see the look of bitter disappointment that flicked over Tony’s face. Nobody took note of it.  
Gibbs’ phone rang. It was Abby, looking for Tony, who hadn’t answer his phone.  
“Yes, he’s here.” Gibbs growled at him and held out the phone for him.  
“No, I’m gone.” Tony said it almost casually. He didn’t take the offered phone, snapped his own and walked away.  
Nobody said anything or moved for a good five minutes, even Gibbs. Then all of them ran outside the warehouse to see Tony throw his NCIS-regulated jacket and cap in the van before taking off down the street.  
“Need a ride, DiNozzo?” All of them could hear a hint of uncertainty under the patented Gibbs’ sarcasm.  
“No, Gibbs, I got it covered.” Tony shouted without turning and kept up his steady pace. True to his words, a short time later a military-issued truck pulled over and Tony got inside.  
That was the last time anybody saw him._

Then had come the resignation.  
They'd spent the next week trying to find any trace of Tony. There were still some clothes and other stuff in his apartments when they checked it out, but the owner told them it'd all go to the Goodwill and the apartments itself was already leased.  
They went through his things anyway – no forwarding addresses, phone numbers or personal papers. His NCIS-issued phone lay on the table wiped clean. His resignation paper was sent from his notebook straight to the Director and said notebook had also been left behind and wiped clean. Abby and McGee went through it several times – there were just a couple of card games and the resignation. Someone had took time to help Tony hide his trail.

“Sorry, sir! I don’t know what you're talking about. This vehicle was assigned to Captain Bronsky last week. He gave me days off on Monday and on Friday and drove it himself, sir.”  
“Where can I find Captain Bronsky?” Gibbs asked, his teeth clenched. This was the third driver he'd talked to and he was nowhere near finding the one who actually drove that goddamned car that morning.  
“He’s shipped off to the training base on the West Coast.”  
“What base?” Gibbs patience was wearing off.  
“I can’t tell you, sir.”  
Gibbs abruptly turned away. He was bone tired all of a sudden and began to question himself for the first time in twenty years. He wasn’t sure his famous gut had led them the right way. 

He didn’t know what he felt. He was certainly outraged. At least at first. And concerned for Tony. He couldn’t understand what DiNozzo was up to and in the deepest parts of his soul where he didn’t need to say it out loud he knew that he was the core of the problem behind Tony’s disappearance. That unsettled him more than Tony's absence.

“I pulled his phone records, B-Boss.” McGee watched Gibbs with a hint of uncertainty, as he always did these days.  
“And…?” Gibbs waved impatiently.  
“There _were_ calls on the unknown numbers. I checked it out – the number belongs to the “Presidio Detective Agency” and one sealed number.”  
“Call them.”  
“B-Boss, we can’t just ask them out of the blue. They’ll ask questions in return and want a valid reason for why we want to know it. I h-hacked their closed records and I’m going through the employees list right now. M-maybe we…”  
“Give it to me and I… What?” Gibbs saw as McGee’s face suddenly paled and he looked helplessly at the screen…  
The older man came closer.  
There was his own face staring at him from the monitor. Almost his own – a few more smile lines at the corners of the eyes, hair darker, smile bigger.  
He turned the screen to himself and began to read.  
He read it several times – about his doppelganger’s work for the military police, SFPD, privet agency. About his wife, son, and daughter. The commendations and clean record. He learned the address in the old part of San Francisco by heart. But there was nothing in Jay Austin’s file about one Tony DiNozzo.  
Gibbs didn’t stop to think about it at all. He dialed a number and waited. The voice sounded like his, too.  
“Austin.”  
Gibbs was transfixed.  
“Hello.” The voice grew impatient. Gibbs cleared his throat.  
“Detective Austin? Special Agent Gibbs.” He wanted to be upfront in any case, even if all everything Tony had ever told this guy about him was really bad. There was silence on the other end.  
“Something happened to Tony?” The voice suddenly seemed tired.  
“No!” Gibbs winced at his own tone. “Actually… We don’t know.” He stopped abruptly. He really didn’t know what to tell this man who possibly knew Tony better than they did. Maybe he was an old friend or even a relative – he could be anything based on the little they knew about Tony. “He disappeared a week ago. Of his own free will, as far as we can tell. He said nothing to us though and we are…”  
Gibbs didn’t know what more to say. He didn’t know how to ask.  
Somebody snatched the handset out of his hand and he heard Abby’s voice, pleading for what he couldn't. “Mister, please, tells us you know where he is. Tell us he didn’t leave us for good.”  
“For good,” Gibbs mouthed those words and they left bitter aftertaste in his mouth. He refused to think about it. Actually, he forbade himself from thinking about it at all, but that didn’t work either.  
He turned on the speakerphone.  
“Sorry, ma’am. I didn’t talk to him for over a month, so I don’t know where he is now.” There was caution in his voice, though Gibbs didn’t believe that the man held anything back.  
He loudly said ‘thank you’ and put the handset back.  
So that was it.  
They didn’t have any more leads for now. He thought of going over to the west coast to look the man in the eyes, decided against it, told everybody to go home and went to his lone basement and his silent boat.  
Later that night he became aware that he hadn’t worked on the boat since Tony disappeared. He had instead made one more little ship, the seventh in a row – complete with masts, steering wheel and a figurehead that vaguely resembled a man with a beaming smile and wide-open eyes. There were no sails on the masts though, as if someone didn’t want the ships to sail away.  
Leroy Jethro Gibbs put the ship on the shelf and went to his lonely bed.

 

 

**II TONY**

**about twenty two months earlier**

Tony huddled on the sofa in the family room for a week already. First days Jay or Donna tried to talk to him, he silently shook his head at every attempt and curled into himself even more. He felt like fifteen all over again, unsure of himself and the world around. Most of the time he didn’t think at all, just sat there half-asleep. He felt too tired to even question his actions, that why he couldn’t tell anybody what happened – he didn’t understood it himself.  
Tony jerked sleepily, heard the phone ringing, Jay picked it.  
“Austin.”  
He opened his eyes and watched Jay listening to the other side.  
“Hello.” Jay made a motion to put the phone down and then stilled.  
Tony didn’t know who was on the other side and then Jay looked over to him in confusion and realized… It had to be Gibbs. Tony shook his head silently asking not to tell anybody.  
“Something happened to Tony?”  
Tony blocked Jay’s voice and remembered the first time he told him about Gibbs…  
_“You know, Jay, he’s really just like you.” Tony felt as if he was that eighteen years old Navy enlisted, whom Jay picked up from the military police station all those years ago, all over again. “Just like you – as if you’ve a twin brother. The only thing different – he’s sad. Not that he shows it, but he’s so sad inside.”  
Tony paused and sighed. He was aware that Jay knew of his dual nature. Dual both as a perfect undercover agent, who could put on different personality as easily as he put on his coat in the morning; and his inclination to date both genders. What he didn’t know was whether Jay heard in his voice more than he wanted to give…  
“But I made him smile.”  
And he smiled himself that big, bright, winning - patented DiNozzo - smile, that he smiled so rare since the crush a year ago.  
“You said he’s a Marine, didn’t he realize you’re not a detective?”  
“Oh, he is a marine all right, from tip to toe. You know I’m good, don’t you?” Tony laughed happily. He knew Jay will check up one Leroy Jethro Gibbs in military records and will certainly realize whom Tony saw the first time he met the NCIS agent.  
Tony wasn’t ashamed he’d had crush on Jay all those years ago. He didn’t do anything about it and quite soon it morphed into friendly affection and filial love. Still… he wasn’t sure what Jay would feel about it and it bothered him a little. He just knew Jay would see in Gibbs someone who looked disturbingly like Jay himself.  
“And?”  
“I pulled out the old Tony.”  
He knew Jay didn’t need any explanations. Everybody in the family was well acquainted with ‘the old Tony’. Smart mouthed boy with stupid jokes, movie remarks and hidden depths very few people were able to see. Jay had struggled with this Tony for over a year, until his first serious operation in the Middle East.  
Nobody had got to see this Tony for almost ten years, more if you bear in mind that Jay didn’t go to DC to see his son at his new job – it would be too awkward. And Tony knew Jay was quite unhappy to see_  
said ‘old Tony’ as he emerged from the cab at his doorstep a week ago. Tony didn’t tell him what happened, though…

Tony felt glance from the older man and heard regretful, “Sorry, ma’am. I didn’t talk to him for over a month, so I don’t know where he is now.” He just knew Jay said that to Abby, but he didn’t have it in himself to let them know where he was.  
Jay put the phone down and turned to him at last. He knew better than to try to talk Tony into letting the people on the east coast know he was good.  
“When are you due to be in the camp?”  
Tony sighed and leaned back, stretching his arms over the head. It was good to be in a better physical condition than before. Not as good as before the plague, but still better.  
“Well, I need to do more tests on my lungs and you know… other stuff. They let me do it here. May I stay at your place, Jay?”  
“Sure, dear.” Donna sailed into the room and smiled at them both. “You know we like to have you here.”

Tony felt as if he was finally warm, inside and out. There were people who liked him because of him, not because of what he can do or knows or whatever it is. He was content. He knew he’d never see Gibbs’ eyes looking at him with the same expression as Jay’s, but it didn’t matter for him now.  
Right this moment he was where he wanted to be.  
He liked Frisco, its smells, its wind, and its people; he trailed around for several days getting reacquainted with it and with himself – him how he used to be before all that. Before that tour, and injury, and the attempts to find himself again. Before NCIS and Gibbs. Especially before Gibbs. The way he used to be, the way Jay and his first CO Colonel Tawnsy taught him to be – his own man. It’d take time to find it again, but he had all the time in the world.  
Tony liked to be here because it was the only place he still could feel himself young, not entirely innocent, though still curious to what the world would lay out for him. Thankfully, there weren’t any memories of his father or other relatives, even mama, as much as loved her, never been to the city. He was free to make all new memories, good ones.  
And there were plenty of them.  
The language school at Monterey. The first really good memory. Not the military academy, but instead the first place he felt himself free; or boot camp – the place, he first began to feel himself his own man. No. It was that obligatory language school that he didn’t really need. The first place he was _his own free man._  
Spanish and Italian were as native to him as English was, so he was asked to help the Professors, especially with the Multilanguage and simultaneous translation courses. He improved his French, added German, even went for Arabic, though it took him two tours to become really fluent.  
That was where he mouthed off to some military policeman while on leave. He really didn’t think much of it – was pissed off by guy’s attitude and told him that. Tony was lucky he met one Lieutenant Colonel Alan Caldwell at the station. They surely got into a heated argument at first, but then something changed, Tony wasn’t sure what, but the old guy called someone and then Jay appeared in the doorway.  
That was the other best thing in San Francisco – Jay Austin. Not really father figure, though very close to it, more like an uncle slash older brother. Jay gave him the only real home he'd had since his Nonna died when he was eight.  
That first evening Jay listened to him, just listened while saying nothing – let him blow off steam. Tony told him about the police guy and why he was pissed; about the linguistic school and boot camp; then he somehow moved on the Rhode Island house and his parents. He didn’t know how long they drove through the emptying streets, didn’t even know where they were – for all he cared they could’ve been in New York by then.  
And then he woke up on the unfamiliar couch to the sounds of almost forgotten family morning – running shower, coffee’ smell, footfall on the stairs, chink of plates. In fact, his family’s mornings were never that cozy and full of laughter.  
He fell in love with that family and that house in the twinkling of an eye.  
To his astonishment, they loved him back with all their heart. It took Tony some time to believe in it…

If somebody told Tony that one day he’d find himself dressed in full body gear marching through the sands he’d have laughed himself out. For one – his father would never allow him to disgrace the family business and his designated future as an heir to a multimillion dollar fortune to join the army. On the other hand – Tony always loved his freedom and lazy, despite his school, music lessons, basketball and other hobbies like movies and books, state of being.  
He was taken aback when he found himself one sunny morning on the steps of the military academy. That was… unexpected, to say the least. He’d never thought his father would go to such drastic measures even after all their arguments, Tony’s school pranks, and fights he meddled in on a daily basis. All he wanted… he didn’t know what he wanted.  
He wanted his Nonna back – he didn’t grieve for his mother as much as for his Nonna. Mother was always a figure to worship but not to love. She was so beautiful, ephemeral like a star twinkling above. She had dressed him in sailor costumes and listened to his music lessons; she bought him books about knights and princess and distant lands. However, it was Nonna who sang him lullabies; sat with him when he was ill, and baked him sweet buns.  
He craved something he’d never had – home. And his father found the only solution to fulfill that craving – he sent him where he could find discipline, camaraderie, loyalty, but not a real home. Little did he know that Tony’d finally find the family he needed there.

And despite all fun he had at the military academy Tony was surprised to find himself filling the forms to enlist one morning. He never thought about it consciously. He thought of trying for a sport scholarship in one of the not very famous universities – he was good in football and basketball. He even considered going to LA or rather to Hollywood – not to be an actor, he wasn’t sure of his acting skills, but to write scripts, reviews, or whatever he found interesting to do.  
And suddenly he was there – _sitting in the empty class filling forms out. He was so engrossed in it that he never heard one of his teachers, Gunnery Sergeant Wolsky, came near him.  
“Good, DiNozzo.”  
Tony jumped and all the papers flown in the air. “Sorry, sir. I…”  
“I said, good.” Gunny smiled and sat across him. Tony couldn’t say they were friends, but he liked the older man, considered him one of the best things he had found in NAPS (Naval Academy Preparatory School) – the man who took him under his wing and taught him to trust himself, something he never managed to develop under his father’s influence. “I meant to talk to you about it myself.”  
“I…” Tony knew he wanted it, but…  
“You could go to the Annapolis.”  
“Uhm, sir? I… you know I’d be bored on ship in no time.” Tony giggled and tried to imagine himself on the bridge. “Oh, no, sir, I want some action, you know – to have stories to make girls ‘oh’ and ‘ah’.”  
Gunny shook his head. “You know, boy, you’d be death of any CO.”  
Tony smiled, “I’ll try, sir.”  
“Okay, what do you want to do? Marine or SEAL? You definitely can go for SEAL…”  
Tony looked at him suspiciously.  
“Oh, I mean it Tony. You are book smart and street smart too, you can think on your feet, you’re strong, and a good sportsman. You know, it’s good to set a goal higher than you feel comfortable – it makes you push yourself to the limits.”_  
And he pushed himself pretty rough. Almost two years of training and he couldn’t recognize himself. Hell, he thought that if he’d suddenly appeared at his father’s side DiNozzo senior would have never even glanced at him.  
That was a satisfying thought.  
That and the fact that somehow, he wasn’t sure how he’d been able to pull it off. He had enlisted under his mother’s maiden name. That had been a stroke of genius by him. He still rubbed his hands with glee thinking of it. He was sure – if not for that fact, his father would have found a way to somehow terminate his enlistment. It was five years later when he was seriously injured for the first time that Jay notified DiNozzo senior.  
That was… that was even worth being injured – to watch his father storm into the ward with every intention of reaming Tony a new one… only to find himself on the receiving end of a glare from a navy officer – experienced soldier, sniper, navigator, interrogator who knows what he’s done and done well. A man who can lead people, who can save people, and who can kill people.  
So why then did he suddenly feel ten years old all over again.  
Tony shifted slightly and tried to compose himself.  
_“Anthony.”  
“Sir.”  
They stared at each other for good five minutes before DiNozzo Sr. finally lowered his gaze to the floor. It wasn’t an act of a submission though because he straightened, looked Tony in the eyes, and said flatly, “Don’t mess with my schedule again.”  
Tony shrugged. If that was it, he could live with it._

Tony looked around – he was sitting on the bench near the Fisherman’s Wharf. He didn’t remember how he had got there – today was the last day of his medical tests and he had some things to think through.  
He was cleared for duty. After all, he he had been through the last five years it seemed unbelievable. You’d think the copter crash during the mission was bad enough – he was left with the broken legs, broken ribs, dislocated shoulder and severe concussion, as well as minor lacerations from the torn metal.  
And then there was that crash while chasing the suspect not long before Kate joined them at NCIS team. And more concussions. He was stabbed and shot, run over, and nearly drowned. He hadn't received as many injuries during his time as a SEAL instead of when he was an NCIS agent.  
And then there was the plague.  
He refused to think of it all now.  
He was cleared for duty. He had to undergo re-training, but all in all… he didn’t know what he wanted. He had a home, a family, friends. He just needed to decide – was it worth it to endure all the head slaps, butt jokes and indifference to remain by Gibbs’ side or…  
Okay, he had to be honest – that was fun. That was a hot ride and real fun for the most part. The problem was – he was SEAL, he had got accustomed to being the leader, to making the decisions, to knowing things first. He became tired of playing second fiddle.  
And then there was the whole debacle with the blown up car, when he sent Kate and McGee up to the hill. They hadn't even noticed the change in him. Even Tony himself didn’t notice it at first. He remembered it after, when he crept up that damned hill. He remembered the feel at first – the feel of power, when people hear you and do as you tell them. And he remembered his own voice – a voice from the past. His pre-Gibbs voice.  
He knew now that it was the exact moment when he decided to leave Gibbs and the team. He didn’t know it consciously back then, but he knew it now.  
And one more thing he knew at the back of his mind – he needed to get out from Gibbs. As in really, really needed. Because he still remembered not only how Gibbs looked, even how Gibbs smelled that rainy autumn day they met in Baltimore. And it was sick by DiNozzo’ standards – to lust after the guy for the whole three years. Unrequited lust, maybe even lo…

_“DiNozzo! The Captain wants you ASAP.”  
Tony nearly gave a start – it was still quite strange to hear his old surname directed at him. He was used to being O’Neil, not… All thoughts of the oddity of his name fled from his head when he stepped into the Captain’s office. He was dimly aware of the files from his last case scattered around and the Captain himself, but it was the last person in the room who held his attention. There was just one man – tall, broad shouldered, silver-haired with piercing blue eyes. He almost gasped “Jay” in astonishment, but something kept him from it.  
“This is Special Agent Gibbs from NCIS, DiNozzo.” The Captain was angry at something or someone. He almost spat his words at Tony.  
“NCIS stands for Naval…” The man began with habitual impatience, but Tony cut in.  
“Criminal Investigative Service. I know, sir. Detective Tony DiNozzo.” He offered his hand and was met halfway. Special Agent muttered something and growled.  
“Don’t call me ‘sir’.”  
Tony wanted to laugh – that was a phrase straight from Jay’s lips. It was amazing how these two were alike and unlike. He couldn’t find where the differences began – they looked almost identical. They looked at him with the same amusement. They even growled the same way. The main difference he found, was that Tony felt more anger under the calm-looking surface of Gibbs. Anger and sadness.  
“… jurisdiction. Do you hear me, DiNozzo?” Captain was still in a pretty bad mood as Tony snapped out of his reverie and tried to make sense of what little he had heard.  
“I got it that Special Agent Gibbs wants to take the case from us. Am I right?” Tony had been waiting for something like that since he realized that the main suspect in the robbery with assault was a Navy Petty Officer and hadn't liked it. Then. Though suddenly, right now, he knew he’d be okay with it if he’d have a chance to work with Gibbs.  
“I can share jurisdiction in exchange for the access to all information – the evidence, the interrogation, and the crime scene.”  
His Captain sighed. “Okay, Special Agent Gibbs. I can live with that and I leave you in the capable hands of Detective DiNozzo.”  
Tony thought he heard some sort of relief under the still visible anger in Captain’s voice. He didn’t understand it and looked thoughtfully at the closing door. “Hmm, that was easy.”  
“We've worked joint cases before.”  
“Oh!” That explained a lot. Tony thought for a second that the Captain had simply dumped the problem on the newest member of the squad, but he wasn’t opposed to that idea, so he just shrugged eager to start exploring his wonderful new toy – Special Agent Gibbs. He wasn’t opposed to the idea of becoming a toy himself…  
Well, every dog has his day._

Strange, how sometimes you remember tiny inconsequential things about earth shattering events – Tony didn’t remember what they did that first day of the joint case. The last day of pre-Gibbs time.  
_The last day of pre-Gibbs time_. Tony huffed and nearly laughed at himself. To be that pathetic! He definitely needed time to himself and what a better way to forget about everything than to endure re-training.  
So be it.  
Tony got up from the bench and turned towards home.  
He’d go back to his _pre-Gibbs_ life and would wait for Gibbs to find him or forget. Tony wasn’t sure what would be better. However, he was open to suggestions.

 

**III GIBBS**

**now**

The ambulance sped from the crime scene with the victim in critical condition and McGee accompanying him inside. Gibbs hadn't really paid attention to it since he made McGee look after their only eyewitness to go through the case file. He mulled over the last words their victim turned witness said before lost consciousness, “Tony knows…”  
Though that name still made his heart flip in his chest he didn’t think anymore in terms, _if Tony’d be there he’d already know the rest by now_ , the most he currently felt upon hearing this particular name was disappointment. Disappointment with himself – what a man he was…is, what did he say or do, that DiNozzo had felt so hurt that he didn’t consider come from hiding and say, “I’m okay, guys, don’t worry.” That’d be enough. At least… enough.  
He went through the motions of cataloguing the remains of the evidence automatically. There was nothing to find until their witness regained consciousness and finished his last sentence. Truth be told, he couldn’t even imagine what this attack was about – random anti-military thing or a pre-planned, targeted assault. Nothing was taken. There was no weapon and no witnesses apart from the victim… On the other hand, it smelled too much of professional work and reminded Gibbs uncomfortably of Ari. And until they received more information from the victim they couldn’t begin to make theories.  
He shook his head at this thought and went to the Starbucks around the corner to get a refill. Someone called after him, but when he turned, there was nobody.  
He returned to his car several minutes later to find Kate discussing something with…  
“Detective… Austin…” he had to make an effort to remember the name, not the face from the screen. It’s been more than two years since their only conversation and he didn’t have a necessity to remember it. “Interesting to see you here.”  
“You’d say.” The man smiled wryly and stepped away from the car.  
They both turned and looked at Kate. She stood there, her jaw hitting the pavement and eyes almost popping out of their sockets. Gibbs had never seen her like that. She was always too cool to be caught up in the moment, but it was obvious right now that she didn’t remember their brief encounter two years ago and was astonished to see two almost identical silver-head, blue-eyed men before her.  
“Sorry, Agent Todd. It was too tempting to let the opportunity to pass.”  
Gibbs smirked as he watched Kate straightening self-consciously. She nodded at them, still unsure of who was who and Gibbs realized with utter clarity that she really had no idea who detective Austin was, and apparently hadn't kept all the details about their investigation into Tony’s disappearance on her mind. She had moved on. She was happy with her Senior Agent position and while she might’ve remembered Tony fondly, she was pretty satisfied with the current situation. It wasn’t his place to be upset, after all… but he was.  
According to the glance the other man shot him, Austin had picked up on this tension and somehow understood the source of it.  
“May I speak to you, Agent Gibbs?” There was no obvious clue as to why Detective wanted to talk and still there was only one connection between them. Gibbs tensed even more.  
“Find out all about our victim, Kate. Put Tim on his financial records and let Ziva handle all the evidence with Abby. I’ll see you in an hour.” Gibbs waited for Kate’s nod and then turned to Detective Austin. “We can talk at my house; it’s about twenty minutes from here.”  
The other man shrugged, “Lead the way, Agent.” 

Gibbs threw the door open and went to the main room. He turned round to face the other man. “So?!”  
“Tony doesn’t know I’m here, but I’m sure he needs your help.”  
Gibbs had anticipated these words, longed for them, and still he was stunned. He watched as the Detective went to kitchen and returned with the two beer bottles. He accepted one, but didn’t drink and turned it in his hands not sure what to say. He wanted to shout, “yes, yes!”, but something held him.  
“Why come to me behind his back?”  
Detective Austin frowned and then chuckled. “Let’s see – that was two years already and you still didn’t find him. Right?”  
Gibbs shrugged. “What can I do?”  
“And you won’t find him on your own, trust me.” Austin continued as if Gibbs said nothing. “You simply don’t know where to look for him. And trust me, he won’t come to you on his own. He…”  
“I just wanted to know if he’s all right.” Gibbs sat on the couch and finally gulped down half the bottle. “I know he's pissed at me for… I don’t know why, just… Is he okay?”  
The other man nodded and then shook his head. “Yes and no.” He held up a hand to prevent questions. “It’s his to tell or not. I don’t know whether he wanted to meet with you, just… I’m staying at his place now. He returned from the mission and now one of his men is missing. Missing here, in Washington. He can’t tell me anything, but I know him pretty well and I know he suspects something’s up.”  
The Detective took a gulp from his bottle. “So basically I can tell you nothing. Just look out for any injured or… dead… Navy personnel. Especially one without any documents.”  
Gibbs narrowed his eyes suspiciously, “We found a man on the crime scene this morning, barely alive, and he must be at Bethesda now. And the other one – dead.” He didn’t have time to finish as the other man took out his phone and dialed a number.  
“I might’ve found him, son.”  
There was a minute silence from the other side and then quite loud cursing. Gibbs couldn’t tell if this was Tony’s voice or… Austin smiled sheepishly and offered his phone to Gibbs.  
“Gibbs.” The bark from the other side was vaguely familiar – it really sounded like Tony’s voice though Gibbs had never heard that kind of tone from him. So… Marine. So… Commanding Officer.  
“Tony?”  
“Damn. Tell Jay I’ll have this talk with him. Where’s he?” There were no _long-time-no-sees_ or _good-to-hears_. Tony talked like… like Gibbs himself when he was in the middle of an investigation.  
“At my…” Gibbs felt his head spinning suddenly. For a second he didn’t know what he was asked or what he was saying. “Oh, you mean… he’s at Bethesda. With Tim.”  
There was silence and muffled voices on the other side. “Sorry, Gibbs.” A sigh.  
He pictured Tony rubbing his face. He realized suddenly he still could say what Tony does just from little sounds or silence. It was pretty pathetic and still…  
“Could you send Proby away and meet me there in half an hour?”  
Gibbs felt utterly helpless. He couldn’t master his surprise at hearing Tony. He knew why Austin came here, and still he _was_ surprised. Surprised that these two years of searching and longing, of loneliness and regrets were ended that abruptly. It knocked him off balance. On the other hand, he was surprised to feel nothing from Tony – no curiosity or joy in hearing Gibbs. No regrets and no nervousness. He was all business.  
Gibbs sighed. “Sure.” That was the only thing he was sure about. Everything else, including what he felt about meeting Tony for the first time in more than two years, was pretty obscure to him. He wasn’t even sure he wanted to see Tony right now, on top of everything.  
Tony disconnected without good-bye.  
Detective took the phone from Gibbs. “Call your man and let’s roll.”  
“You're coming with me too?”  
“Have to face the music.” He chuckled and patted Gibbs on the shoulder.

“Boss, we’ve got confirmation – he is Navy, actually SEAL. Name – Bradley Chase, Ensign. He’d be on furlough from tomorrow. They were shipped in yesterday from Central America and had to have a debriefing today. His CO – Captain O’Neil. He’s not available right now, but I left message for him to call back as soon as he can.” McGee breathed it out and looked at Gibbs expectantly.  
They stood in the noisy hospital corridor outside the ward. People hurried up and down the halls. They were still tired from their Central America expedition, even after three days on leave, and McGee look haggard, worn out, only slightly better than their victim was.  
“How’s he?” ‘Tony’s man’ thought Gibbs with awe. It was strange to imagine Tony having his own second, instead of being Gibbs'.  
“The same. The doctor is still running tests. They're planning an MRI next, I think.” Tim yawned and smiled sheepishly. “There's not much we can do now.”  
Tim was right. This SEAL was from Special Ops and they wouldn’t be given the permission to look through his file that easy. Or talk to him. Unless Tony… “Go home, Tim. There’s really not much we can do now. I’ll talk to the doctor and we’ll see.”

Gibbs sat in the chair beside the bed. Nobody had come to see the patient, but he expected somebody – either Doctor or Tony - to turn up soon. He studied the man on the bed. Hard-trained body, military-issued haircut, non-descript features of a too pale face – perfect soldier for any Covert Ops. Gibbs realized he was avoiding thinking of Tony as a SEAL. It was such an impossible idea that his brain shut it out. Though why was it impossible? Thinking back, Tony had revealed some unexpected abilities from time to time and it was only his talent to distract everybody that helped him hide in plain sight. Gibbs scowled at himself – he should’ve realized it earlier.  
The door opened soundlessly and he glanced at the man who slipped inside. At first, he seemed to be endlessly tall – all legs in the old jeans and a lean torso with a well-defined six-pack and hard muscles that moved under the thin fabric of his snug NAVY t-shirt. He took off his baseball cap to reveal military-short, thick, dark hair as well as a pair of slightly amused dark green eyes and an all too familiar easy smile.  
The silence stretched for an indefinite amount of time.  
The smile slowly vanished from Tony’s face as he looked at the bed and the unconscious man on it.  
“Chase? Damn fool. I told him to wait.”  
Gibbs was shaken. Of all things, he could imagine happening in his life, never had he expected to find finally seeing Tony this difficult.  
It suddenly felt too real for Gibbs. He had never tried to imagine what it would be like to meet Tony again and certainly never imagined this. Tony – military?! Tony who always fooled around and lived from one Gibbs’ head slap to another – the 'SEAL’ Captain, the leader of the platoon that had pulled him out more than once?! He wanted to refuse to believe it.  
Gibbs wasn’t sure what to say now that he had Tony before him in the flesh. More importantly, he didn’t know what he wanted to hear from Tony. That he was sorry he walked out on them all? Gibbs was sure that he was the main reason Tony did it.  
That he’ll be in touch or let Gibbs be in touch with him from now on? Why would he want it? He was at a loss and there… there was Tony – in full 3D view, so alive, so un-Tony. He was calm and authoritative, and yet there was a Tony-like mischievous glint in his eyes.  
“Gibbs.” Tony held out his hand, and Gibbs could do nothing other than shake it. It was warm and firm and for the first time Gibbs allowed himself to believe that it was truly Tony. “Good to see you…Boss.”  
Something tightly coiled in Gibbs’ chest slowly unwound and he let out the first smile in two years. “Good to see you too… DiNozzo.”  
They nodded to each other.  
There was no time to talk about personal things right now and still Gibbs couldn’t resist the temptation, “Captain O’Neil, I presume?”  
Tony chuckled. “My mother’s maiden name. It was easier to enlist under it to hide it from father dear; he wasn’t too thrilled when he found out.” He shrugged, dismissing the topic and in the twinkling of an eye became that unfamiliar Captain O’Neil again.  
“Let’s skip all the pleasantries, just…” Tony’s expression was grim and determined now as he gazed down at his injured man, “…where did you find him?”  
“Not far from DuPont circle, near the club “Bumblebee”. He didn’t have anything on him; at first we couldn’t even identify his fingerprints.” Gibbs stopped and shook his head, “You know, Tony, it seems like you’re into some serious Spec Ops here.”  
Tony shrugged.  
“I am. It’s pretty much sealed. I’m not sure your clearance is high enough to know. Let’s not talk about it right now. This isn't the place and I… oh, doctor, I’m Captain O’Neil, Ensign Chase’s CO. Can you tell me the extent of his condition?”  
Gibbs turned around. Indeed, there was the doctor. Gibbs stepped into the corner to clear the space. He absentmindedly listened to them talking and contemplated leaving. He felt old and worn out, like this chase after Tony had bled him and left him drained and purposeless. He felt...old.  
“I called my people. Somebody’ll come down and sit with Brad until he comes around.” Tony’s voice jolted Gibbs from his thoughts.  
“Okay. I should head to see Abby.”  
“No, Gibbs. Stay with me.” That was the old Tony, the one who wasn’t afraid to ask, and a new one – who knew what he’d be heard. “We need to talk, about this,” he nodded towards the bed, “and the other.”  
Gibbs nodded cautiously. And then again, surer. What the hell! They needed to talk and he wasn’t the one to avoid confrontation.

 

**IV TONY**

**now**

Tony closed his eyes and let himself relax into his seat. He remembered the way Gibbs driving killed his stomach and he really didn’t need it right now, but he knew that Gibbs needed the reassurance of being the one in charge and so he kept his mouth shut and just let him drive.  
Tony didn’t need to turn his head and look at Gibbs to see lips stretched tight and thin in concentration to hold back his urge to headslap him. Tony chuckled quietly. He imagined Gibbs knuckles had turned white from his tight grip on the steering wheel.  
That really wasn’t funny. Wasn’t funny at all.  
Tony sighed. He knew Gibbs wasn't angry with him. He'd always guessed Gibbs really didn’t like to be in the dark and now, Tony knew it for sure. Gibbs felt as if Tony deliberately did that to him. He had a point. Tony had deliberately kept Gibbs in the dark. Just like Gibbs had done all the time. They were even now.  
“I know, but I don’t have to like it.”  
Tony jerked and smacked his head against the window. He saw Gibbs smirk in the corner of his eye and scowled, then sobered instantly. He hadn't realized he'd said it out loud.  
Tony sighed and rubbed his face with both hands. “My only secret was that I wasn’t the Tony DiNozzo you’ve been told about. But I was Tony DiNozzo.” At least in the name he added to himself.  
Gibbs kept silent.  
Tony tried to say something else, but there weren't words to tell that something he himself wasn’t exactly sure of. He closed his eyes again and pretended to doze off.  
He must’ve fallen into a real doze because an abrupt stop jerked him out of it, wide-eyed and ready to move if needed. He didn’t though get the chance to. Gibbs was on him in an instant, trapping Tony with an elbow on his throat.  
“Did you ever think to tell me?”  
“Whoa…here…” Tony swallowed heavily, trying to find something to say that would sound not so… and settled on truth. “I… not sure. Probably not.” They stared at each for another heartbeat and Gibbs let him go.  
“You’d just slip out in the night.” Gibbs huffed and brought his hands down on the steering wheel hard. “Not as spectacular as you did the last time, but just as effective.” He fell silent. He didn’t gas the car again and he, didn’t relax. He just sat there gazing into the beaming sunlight. The air outside was heavy with summer heat and traffic fumes. Tony’d gave a lot to feel a wind on his face, to feel air hugging him while he soared down waiting for the perfect moment to open his parachute.

_If he had thought of it, really given it a thought, he’d have realized that the first person in DC, Jay would go to see – the only person – would be Gibbs. It didn’t matter that they didn’t know each other, save for their one ten-minute conversation two years ago. Jay had been on him lately for being stubborn and not letting Gibbs know he’s okay. Tony could admit to being stubborn, but only to himself. Actually it was more being stuck with the decisions he’d made before and it being so long, so – being stubborn.  
Tony looked at Gibbs - Gibbs, for fucks sake, sitting here in the ward, as if it was the most ordinary thing on the fucking earth –and looked, and looked. On the way here, he suspected that Jay would call Gibbs, but it’s one thing – to think it, and a whole other thing to see with his own eyes. He looked and desperately tried to come up with what to say.  
He had never imagined the meeting with Gibbs would be that … strange. The older man was quiet, tired, and small. He looked at Tony briefly and then tried; it seemed, to disappear somehow. Tony didn’t know what to think. He felt stronger, more himself than ever before and wanted to let Gibbs get to know him as that other self. But, and it frightened him a bit, he also needed Gibbs to be the stronger one, the mightier one. Like before.  
He felt like he was slipping into his worn out ‘Tony DiNozzo’ persona and it wasn’t good.  
And then he saw the man on the bed. Damn! That was no good at all. He knew for sure Chase was damn good at his job and if he was caught out like that then headquarter was leaking like the fucking colander.  
For a second Tony was torn – he wanted to talk to Gibbs, he_ needed _to talk to Gibbs, to look him in the eyes, to feel that heat focused on him. Tony shivered. ‘You’re professional, damn it, so do this as a professional.’ It was his job and he was really good at it, so he blocked the other things and concentrated on the most important matter at hand.  
He was surprised when he found Gibbs trying to sneak out on him. He'd never known the man to be the one to leave things unsaid and it hurt that Gibbs didn’t want to talk to him. He’d have let him walk away if not for Jay. Tony felt a sharp jab in his side and Jay hissed something unintelligible in his ear_ \- “No, Gibbs, stay with me.”

“You did that on purpose or… I dunno, on the spur of the moment?” The sound of Gibbs’ voice jolted Tony out of his reverie. He glanced over and shrugged.  
“That'd be a trick even for me – to conjure a military vehicle out of thin air. No. It was planned.” He stumbled on the words not sure how to express how tired he had been, how inadequate he had felt, how much like a square peg in a round hole, and how hurt he was… “I got bored.” ‘Tony DiNozzo’ said instead of him.  
Gibbs seemed to hold his breath and then hissed. “Why on hell did you get in with NCIS in the first place? On a whim?” They looked in each other eyes for what felt like hours before Gibbs himself shook his head. “No. You’re not _that_ shallow. It was an undercover operation.” He said it with such certainty that Tony burst out laughing. He tried to say something, but he could only hiccup.  
“Okay, it wasn’t _uncomplicated_ , but not _that_ complicated. It’s just… my tech guy is a real genius in smoke screening. I need to introduce him to Abby; she’d be delighted to hear some of his stories.” Tony smiled, but quickly straightened under Gibbs’ stern gaze. It was like the old days. He nodded to himself and turned more towards the older man.  
“Our operation half a year before went bad. We… okay, it’s not important where, but the opt was pretty simple – go there, retrieve the … packet and go back. The problem was – it turned out that our informant turned changed sides. We didn’t have the slightest reason to suspect him. That was the _real_ complication.” Tony laughed mirthlessly.  
“You know, it really changes your perspective when after several years being the golden boy, the best team for patching up others’ fuck-ups and so on, you find yourself with the corpse of you oldest and trusted friend in your arms, your subordinates bearing various injuries and yourfuckingself with broken legs, and I mean it – both legs broken, as well as numerous minor cuts. Just don’t ask me how the hell we got out of there. I. Don’t. Fucking. Know. Let’s just say – I’m here.”  
Tony stopped. He was lucky he didn’t remember a thing, he thought. Even his nightmares were faceless and placeless. He had survived it. The others were more or less lucky, but they didn’t talk about it. He felt Gibbs' knowing gaze on him and shivered.  
“I had three commissions and each one insisted I was still not ready to be out in the field yet and I thought - so, bastards, fuck you, I’ll find a way to let you know I’m ready – and I found it.” He grinned and gestured widely around. “Though let me say – NCIS was a bit unexpected. But nice.”  
Tony fell silent not sure what else to say. There were so many things to talk about – how he managed to return to the active duty after the plague, why he hadn't ever called, what the situation was with his man found that morning… The only thing he didn’t need to talk about was his time with Gibbs, however important it was for them. Gibbs already knew all about it.  
“Yeah, your tech guy is something. You really need to introduce him to Abby.” Gibbs had that amused look like he got every time somebody on the team managed to pull something good out of a not-so-good situation.  
“Yea. He was good, I wasn’t bad myself and you got a solid second for yourself out of it. Huh?”  
“Huh! And then you just had to kick up and leave me without my ‘six’.”  
“I always had your six, Gibbs, always! Who do you think volunteered to fetch you out of those damn jungles?!”  
Tony watched as Gibbs twitched and stilled. He… Oh, fuck, Tony didn’t notice the fist that flew towards him. All he saw were Gibbs' eyes. Hard and uncertain at the same time, steely blue, tired, and with those deep smile lines at the corners…  
_“We might have to jump…”_ Tony could’ve swore he heard the echo of his own words that he'd said almost a week ago, in the South American jungles. He could’ve swore that Gibbs heard it too as the understanding clouded his clear, always oh so competent, eyes.  
Tony watched as a crooked, hesitant smile changed the line of Gibbs’ lips and answered his own grin.  
_“Go, Marine, go, go…”_  
There was something else beneath. Tony just couldn’t grasp it.  
_“Go, Marine, go, go…”_  
Gibbs’ face, all sharp angles and shadows, suddenly glinting like silver under direct sunlight. Tony had seen him like that once – sharp lines of a haunted face glistening with moisture under the harsh, unyielding southern sun. And sand, _sand everywhere, skin itching under the dirty uniform.  
That stubborn Marine was trying to count the living on the run. Tony shouted again, “Go, go,” and flashed him an easy grin as he pushed to get the guy inside the copter._  
Tony shook his head but there were still two Gibbs before him – then-Gibbs and now-Gibbs and he wondered how he hadn't seen it before. He felt Gibbs’ eyes on him, uncertain once again and waiting. Waiting for his world to tilt and change track.  
It was painful to see Gibbs this unsure, as if waiting to be rejected, admonished for taking the swing. Tony tried to say something, but his throat felt raw and sandy. He reached for Gibbs feeling like a sailor who saw the shore first time in so many months. Or a warrior who came seeking battle and found a home instead.  
Tony felt Gibbs’ fingers lightly touch his cheek, his forehead, and his jaw. He leaned into it, pushing words, any words, out of his throat.  
**_"Come you back, you British soldier; come you back to Mandalay!"_**  
**_"… come you back to Mandalay!"_**  
**_"… come you back…!"_**

**Epilogue**

When he was a kid, he was a skinny little thing, always scruffy and somewhat bruised. Nevertheless, his mother tried so hard to make him look at least somewhat presentable, but he never was up to anyone’s standards. Later, when his mother died there was no one to look after him. At least he looked presentable enough in his school uniform, if only because nobody looked good in it.  
He grew up pretty quickly and his limbs gave him a lot of grievances through the years – he was ungraceful and stumbled a lot, though he was good in some sports like basketball where his height gave him an advantage and ‘jump’n’throw’ suited him just fine as long as he didn’t have to run much or watch other players.  
He became better later when his body filled out and he acquired a certain poise. Still he didn’t think much of himself in the appearance department, though he was very good in faking it. Then he saw that leaflet – plain, not extremely fancy advertisement - “Join the Marines”. He didn’t even read past that first line…

***

When he was a kid, he was a fighter, a damn good fighter, and a good shooter with a slingshot. He knew he wanted to be a Marine since he was six, maybe even earlier. He wasn’t sure now. He didn’t remember where he saw his first Marines– in the cinema or in the magazine, but ever since he had read every bit of information he could get his hands on.  
He knew he wanted to be a sniper and began to shoot in the local shooting range at nine, when his father's friend, Mr. Doddley, who was the owner, decided that he was strong enough to raise a rifle. He was a good sniper by the time his friends began to date.  
He almost never dated. He waited for the only date he needed at that time – the day when he could join the Marines. He almost never dated later too. Just Shannon. The others were a part of sniper training – one good shot and you can gather the fruitage.  
Until now…

***

The two men carefully wound their way down to the beach. Each of them had a big and apparently heavy box in his arms. They found a flat grey stone, big enough for them both to sit on and put down their boxes.  
Anyone who could see them would tell they were military – there was that air of confidence around them and a feeling of strong, unyielding personalities. Though they didn’t wear uniforms, they didn’t need it to have a look of authority.  
The younger one – an easy smiling, dark-haired beauty – put his box down and took the other one from his friends’ arms. They sat, still and silent. The older one opened the box and took out a little toy ship. It was a beautifully crafted wooden ship, complete with the masts, steering wheel, and a figurehead vaguely resembling a man with an easy smile and wide-open eyes. The only thing it lacked was sails.  
The younger one said something lost in the wind and fished out a pail of papers from the other box. He cut one sheet into four parts and expertly made sails for the ship. They smiled at each other, strangely tender little smiles and put the ship on the water. She wavered for some minutes near them, then the wave picked it up and the little floating boat happily darted away into the ocean.  
The men settled in rigging up the little ships and putting them in the water. Soon enough quite a big fleet of miniature boats sailed down the Chesapeake Bay to the ocean.  
If someone could hear what they were talking about they’d be confused by the romantic sap.  
“It sounds silly, but it was like if I made enough ships they would somehow find their way to you and you’d know it’s me.” The older, grey-haired man with warm blue eyes smiled suddenly and looked ten years younger. “As I told you, silly of me.”  
“But they found me eventually.”  
“That they did.”  
They sat in companionable silence for some time.  
“How many of them were there really?” The younger man gestured to the almost empty boxes.  
“About eight hundred. One for each day I didn't see you and as many as I managed to make on your birthdays.”  
“You remembered my birthdays?”  
“Always.”  
The younger man took his companion's hand and kissed the palm. They sat there for a while, content with themselves and the world around. They shifted closer together, brushing their shoulders, and watched the sun set, their ships drifting away and vanishing from their sight.  
They got up when it was almost dark and went to the car parked on the side of the road. If someone peered into the car they might finally see them kissing before they started it. However, we won’t do that. We’ll just watch as they drive away.  
And let them be.

**Author's Note:**

> PS. Just thought I'd explain why I wrote this story. I was always curious what would've happened if Tony liked it in his military school better and found that he fit in. On the other hand, I'm a fan of the film "The Presidio" and it was quite interesting to bring together older version of Jay Austin and Gibbs, to see if they click :-) And Tony, all brave and competent, was a tempting figure to write. When I finished it, I realized that it calls for a sequel.
> 
> PPS. As I'm not always a responsible reader and don't often leave comments on stories I read, I have no right to ask you to do it without fail, though I'd like to hear what you think.


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